Word of the Day: 狼煙

I want to channel right now, but I don't feel I can. I also have one day before I have to leave, I don't feel ready at all but I am grateful for the energy I have either way.

I wanted to do something this weekend but I feel like I am not going to be able to do that because, even though I did recover from my depressive state, I don't have enough time to prepare all the things I need to to leave.

Today is kind of a bullshit day too because I have to interact with people from the ACT team but I mean, I do need to run a few errands so I am just like, "Well, I guess I can get one of these things done."

It is like.. productive but not organized right now so I feel like the drive is going to take more time than is needed but just like how I am in Grim Souls (survival game) I am just having to do resource gathering right now. No fancy dungeons today.

I have eaten too well lately because I gained like 4 pounds back, but I mean I don't care either way. Me losing or gaining weight is the least of my issues at the moment. Of course, I want to lose weight, but it isn't the goal I am focusing on at the moment.

This temperamental duo meets up roughly once every two years, and on March 13th, 2026, they’re coming together in dreamy Pisces. When Mars and the North Node move through this mutable water sign, conflicts can get wishy-washy, and motives can get murky. Around this date, it will be easy to confuse what a fight is about, how it started in the first place, who the real enemy is, and what winning would even mean. While our frustrations may be fierce, our game plans will be foggy. So it’s especially important to think critically and avoid acting on impulse. And because Mars is known for inflaming conflicts, and the North Node tends to escalate them, this is a moment to question any propaganda that pushes for violence or war.

Yea, this is accurate. I mean just based off of what I just said. It is like, " things will be done, but not well. "

I am just going to collect time today and try to finish my chores. Hopefully I will have time to properly prepare but I am not confident.

Perform.

Oh that is a weird thing to pop up. I thought more of "performative" than "acting out" when that popped up. I guess yes, this is kind of sort of a false relationship. I mean, we have a lot of those. Or maybe spirit is sort of telling me to do my best, I don't know. I am not worried either way.

I mean for a couple of weeks ago, I was struggling to just get the bare minimum but now I am doing slightly better than that right now, but not enough to really consider it full gear.

I am considering buying weed just to push forward productivity. I am sort of desperate at this point so, I feel like it would help though.. Unfortunately if I am being honest, I don't think even that will get me ready for the weekend, but I guess it will put me straight for next week?

I am glad it is getting warmer lately, but it is still cold. I think my mood will perk up either way once it is warm again. I just want to go back to bed..