Word of the Day: 火病

It is kind of funny, because I was going on about having fire sickness myself without realizing this was an actual thing. It actually sounds accurate to what I was experiencing, but luckily I don't live in a culture/area that is overtly suppressive to where it would aggravate this sort of condition.

Though I am not completely free of poor conditions or experiencing this feeling a bit, I do feel a bit better today since my mom's birthday passed.

I mean, basically I shouldn't really pout or stew in my anger if technically my body is reacting well, even if it is just for today. So yea, I tried my best today. I felt better at the very least. I don't know how I will feel tomorrow, but at least I am doing well today.

I might continue working tonight. I just feel like those two days of sulking and feeling like shit, needs a manic episode to compensate for that.

I also was talking to my friend about when I used to stream on Twitch and felt super nostalgic. I dunno, also some readers said, " If you are not pursuing anything romantic at this time, this is the perfect time to do something creative. "

Even without this info, I was feeling the creative itch. Jordan Peterson said it best about creative people:

"The worst thing for creative people is to not be creative, because they will die".

This is true. Like, if you are really a person of passion, you cannot avoid this. You will literally die to etch out whatever you're trying to create. Of course, there is a literal translation of this with childbirth, which could technically kill you. When it is art/figurative, people will stone you to death and destroy your personhood.

Ah I guess I am talking from the point of finalization. But yes, even its absence indicates a quiet death of sorts; you might as well be dead.

It can also ACTUALLY kill you though, like physically if you're repressed for a long time. You get physical symptoms and such. I am getting some right now, but I consider myself clever enough to overcome these enough to at least return to a " normal for my age ".

Like it is very temporary in my mind, but I am still enduring these conditions..

Whether metaphysical or literal, creation is a hard process that requires a lot of our energy.

I was looking at my birth chart, trying to figure out what some of my strengths and pitfalls were just... you know, to know myself better. Also I explored Astro cartography, which basically is where you travel based on your birth chart, to either go towards "lucky" areas, and of course avoiding "unlucky" areas.

Unfortunately I didn't know how to read it. I didn't trust the one website that used ai.. but I wasn't mad at the answers it gave me because I am already studying the languages of those places.

But at the same time, I feel like I need to talk to an actual person because it isn't as readable as a birth chart for me.. Maybe I am being lazy but I just feel like someone could tell me better.

I do know though, I have been indulging in "gambling" too much.

Basically I talk to my dice and cards too much, like analyzing certain circumstances.. really OVER analyzing at this point, which doesn't even help because when I got positive signs, I still questioned it, and would be disappointed when they were negative.

Fundamentally: you can't work correctly if you're having some sort of mental health issue, your judgement is going to be skewed no matter how hard you try.