I am afraid of what happens when I die.
That is the whole concern.
I am not talking about heaven or hell,
not about light, not about darkness,
not about any image people use
to make the idea easier to hold.
I am afraid because I do not know what happens.
I do not know if there is anything after death.
I do not know if I will still be aware.
I do not know if I will remember my life.
I do not know if I will stop existing completely.
The fear comes from that uncertainty.
People say they are not afraid,
or they say they believe something specific will happen.
I do not have that certainty.
I only have questions, and the knowledge
that one day those questions will stop
because I will no longer be here to ask them.
I am afraid of losing my thoughts.
I am afraid of losing the people I love.
I am afraid of not being able to see, think, feel, or remember.
I am afraid of the moment when I realize it is happening
and I cannot stop it.
This fear does not always control my life,
but it returns often enough
that I cannot pretend it isn’t there.
Sometimes it comes when I try to sleep.
Sometimes when I hear about someone dying.
Sometimes when I notice how quickly time passes.
I do not want reassurance that everything will be fine.
I do not want a story that makes it feel safer.
I want to admit that the fear exists
because the unknown exists.
I am afraid of dying because I do not know what it means,
and because there is no way to practice for it,
no way to ask someone who has done it
and come back with an answer.
That is the concern.
That is the whole thing.
About the Creator
shallon gregerson
I conspire, create and love making my mind think
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Comments (2)
I don't have answers, nobody actually knows what happens. But we are surrounded by death. The way a flower wilts as winter comes around, the leaves that fall from the trees and decay into the ground, yet, life on earth keeps going, but there is not much else to do. For something we cannot stop, a powerful force, but we should not let it stop us from living. It is in uncertainty that the new unfolds. I would even say that, breaking up with my ex was a death, a death of the old me, so I could become a new me, I dove into the uncertainty, very afraid and what I watched so much of me get stripped bare, what I'm discovering now, is a whole new me. Fear is natural, I feel even the people who think they know what is going to happen are still afraid, but it's that holding onto hope for them that carries them forth. On the other hand, there are some cultures who are very intimate with death, they explore it in their lives so that they can live more fully. It's okay to have fear, it is very normal and natural, It's more about courage, the courage to do things anyway. Being courageous and brave has nothing to do with lacking fear, I have fear even when I do things I know I can do. A lot of performers have fear before they get on stage, but they go anyway. I guess what I am trying to say is, don't let fear dictate your life, acknowledge it, let it be there, thank it for protecting you, and then step forward, and live your best life 💖
This poem put into words what I've been thinking for most of my life, and I wish more people would talk about it. Thanks for sharing.