Ian Vince

Joined October 2020

127 stories

Bio

Erstwhile non-fiction author, ghost & freelance writer for others, finally submitting work that floats my own boat, does my own thing. I'll deal with it if you can.

Top Writer in Humo(u)r.

Achievements (6)

Stories (127)

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I Changed My Mind. Top Story - April 2025. Content Warning.
Multiple moments of mental metamorphosis. I have already submitted a story to the competition, but I’ve changed my mind. It happens.
By Ian Vince11 months ago in Psyche
A Paradigm Shift in Global Ops
Dear Valued Stakeholders, As a forward-thinking organization committed to delivering unparalleled value, we must address a recent development impacting our operational landscape as well as the actual landscape. We understand that the unfolding global transition, colloquially referred to as the “end of the world,” has presented unforeseen challenges and requires a proactive, results-oriented response.
By Ian Vince11 months ago in Humor
Towards a Cure for Death
We know how hard it is to contemplate the end. There is a variety of paperwork to negotiate for one thing, a lifetime of your current existential framework to overcome, as well as the unmitigated inconvenience of death itself.
By Ian Vince11 months ago in Longevity
I Went to British Heaven. Top Story - March 2025.
It caught me off guard at first, but I was reassured by the fact that, if you will forgive the phrase, [the after] life goes on. And on, and on, and on, as a matter of fact – so it’s good to make sure you’ve turned the gas off and taken your library books back.
By Ian Vince12 months ago in Humor
Your House Call is Impotent (to Us)
There was a knock on the door, but before that, there was muzak on the telephone. Forty minutes so far of empty, anodyne sound without substance to pad out the experience, with the heart quickening whenever the line went quiet. Not a pause, but a break that had already happened a number of times; a dropped beat in the Gymnopédies that seemed to repeat every 37 bars.
By Ian Vince12 months ago in Fiction
Grimshaw’s Head Lice Treatment
Do the relentless peregrinations of these diminutive, yet devilishly determined denizens of the scalp cause you untold consternation, social embarrassment, and an incessant, maddening titillation that threatens to drive you to the very precipice of distraction? Have you endured the ignominy of countless concoctions, the application of noxious unguents, and the relentless raking of fine-toothed instruments, all to no avail, leaving your precious cranium a battleground of ceaseless torment?
By Ian Vince12 months ago in Humor
Administrative Attention. Runner-Up in Absurdist Awakening Challenge.
The impeccably-coiffured, precisely-dressed woman sat on the other side of a Plexiglass screen. If it had been a high walnut counter with books between us, I would have easily identified her as a librarian. But, if this was a library, my overdue fines had got way, way out of control.
By Ian Vinceabout a year ago in Humor
Police Incident Report
The subject is reported to have “lost their mind” and disassociated from “the consensual hallucination normally referred to as reality”.
By Ian Vinceabout a year ago in Humor
The Cogsmith’s Report. Top Story - February 2025.
The Cogsmith adjusted the brass cranial halo, tightening the screws until Bertie felt a dull ache in his temples. “Immersion requires sacrifice,” he croaked, a phrase Bertie had heard far too often. The Cogsmith strapped Bertie onto the inclined plane, its wooden frame creaking under his weight. A complicated system of pulleys and gears, powered by a hissing steam boiler in the corner, connected to the halo. The Cogsmith attached a conical metal visor over Bertie’s eyes, then spun a valve.
By Ian Vinceabout a year ago in Humor
The Lost Country
Set back from the sea and secreted in the Dorset countryside between ridges of vertiginous hills, there is something of the Lost World – a land that time forgot – about the deserted village of Tyneham.
By Ian Vinceabout a year ago in Earth
Snow White Hat
In the heart of Silicon Valley, where innovation and ambition thrived like caffeine-fuelled startups, there was a young woman named Snow White Hat. She was the daughter of a renowned tech entrepreneur who had built a successful company from the ground up, using nothing but a garage, a dream, and an endless supply of ramen noodles.
By Ian Vinceabout a year ago in Fiction
Unlawful Night Walk. Runner-Up in Through the Lens Challenge.
This is the long grass that grows in a sixty-acre field just fifty yards from my home. There is nothing notable or special about the grass, it’s the kind of plant that takes full advantage of somewhere we don’t take much notice of; it seeds by chance, is grown by apathy and lives out its life on poor soil.
By Ian Vinceabout a year ago in Photography